This is a recent rant from the Mailer that I think I’ll repost here on the blog.
Beware that the language gets a little salty. There are indications of the approach later in the piece for those that are thick.
Here you are, enjoy........
I’m now retired.
My new book that is aimed at the shelves of WH Smith’s any day now entitled ‘You are all Cunts and so am I’ is almost finished. It has a long appendix and an intro by Pol Pot.
I’ve made something of a concerted effort (and this may come as a surprise to many of you) to be a little civilised and not state the fucking obvious. It’s fair to say that having a large organisation, like the one I used to work for, looming over you as you type I tried (mostly) to be a little restrained.
So as of today, Wednesday the 16th of January 2019, the gloves are off. If you send me something to review and I think it is shit I won’t be avoiding it or saying something/anything nice about it having ‘Nice staples’. You might actually get a decent critically constructive review.
If you contact me out of the blue after ghosting me for a year asking me to help promote your ‘New Project’. Expect a rocket up your Aristotle. (I got three in a morning a few weeks ago - thus pushing me off social media for a few days).
If you try to angle your own agenda into something that isn’t anything to do with whatever flatulent rubbish you are crowing about I’ll snap back at you and quite possibly make you cry the tears of the man/lady child that you are.
If you message me out of the blue asking for me to help you with your shite cosplay, furry fucking, bollocks celebrity signing ‘Comicon’ cash-in then you may actually get a legal letter written in human blood.
If you run an embarrassingly unfunny (possibly musical) podcast/website then expect a bitingly satirical review. Especially if you can’t name the actual story you are writing about!
If you sell cakes, or prints, or heat sensitive butt plugs, or Hentai, or musical dongs at a festival aimed at COMICS then you’ll get the sharp end of this aggressively grumpy fifty year olds tail! (The rumours are not true - I do not have a tail!!!)
Put simply ..... Bellends Beware!
To all you people who are out there creating comics with love and craft I am now one thousand percent behind you. I will continue to promote your work for free because comics is something that I love. (Peter Grant has always been something of a hero!)
I also promise that the long expected Prolix/Riptide wrestling team will make a comeback!
And remember what Carl Hiaasen said, ‘Good Satire comes from anger.’
Or even Maajid Nawaz - ‘Satire is, by definition, offensive. It is meant to make us feel uncomfortable. It is meant to make us scratch our heads, think, do a double-take, and then think again.’
Now everyone head off and moan like children on their ‘social’ media.
See you at Troobs!